 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Great Pearls of Wisdom
(1) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
I don't like and just give her a house."
-Lewis Grizzard
(2) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun
with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
-Jeff Foxworthy
(3) "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,
and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-Robin Williams
(4) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
without even considering if there is a man on base."
- Dave Barry
(5) "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
- Marilyn Pittman
(6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to
leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be
severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
- Bob Ettinger
(7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her
out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they
weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
- Paula Poundstone
(8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that
study: duh."
- Conan O'Brien
(9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway
through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my Goodness. ...I could
be eating a slow learner."
- Lynda Montgomery
(10) "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears
comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."
- Roseanne
(11) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people
in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty,
but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
- Richard Jeni
(12) "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
- Johnny Carson
(13) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography."
- Paul Rodriguez
(14) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
sixty, and that's the law."
- Jerry Seinfeld
(15) "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up
quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
- Warren Hutcherson
(16) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is
the same."
- Oscar Wilde
(17) "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for a
institution yet."
- Mae West
(18) "Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a
member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain
(19) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
student. At least they can find Kuwait."
- A. Whitney Brown
(20) "Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip
out a man's genitals through his wallet,"
- Robin Williams
(21) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of
it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
- Roseanne
(22) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
- Billy Crystal
(23) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will
give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never
would've thought of that!'"
- Dave Barry
(24) "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
- George Carlin
(25) "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all
the passengers in his car."
- Author Unknown
(26) Advice for the day: If you have a lot a tension and you get
a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two
aspirin and "Keep away from children"
- Author Unknown
(27) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet
at the bar.
JOKES INDEX
I don't like and just give her a house."
-Lewis Grizzard
(2) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun
with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
-Jeff Foxworthy
(3) "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,
and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-Robin Williams
(4) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
without even considering if there is a man on base."
- Dave Barry
(5) "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
- Marilyn Pittman
(6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to
leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be
severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
- Bob Ettinger
(7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her
out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they
weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
- Paula Poundstone
(8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: duh."
- Conan O'Brien
(9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway
through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my Goodness. ...I could
be eating a slow learner."
- Lynda Montgomery
(10) "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears
comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."
- Roseanne
(11) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people
in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty,
but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
- Richard Jeni
(12) "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
- Johnny Carson
(13) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
- Paul Rodriguez
(14) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
sixty, and that's the law."
- Jerry Seinfeld
(15) "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up
quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
- Warren Hutcherson
(16) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde
(17) "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for a institution yet."
- Mae West
(18) "Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a
member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself."
- Mark Twain
(19) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school
student. At least they can find Kuwait."
- A. Whitney Brown
(20) "Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip
out a man's genitals through his wallet,"
- Robin Williams
(21) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of
it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
- Roseanne
(22) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
- Billy Crystal
(23) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will
give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never
would've thought of that!'"
- Dave Barry
(24) "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
- George Carlin
(25) "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all
the passengers in his car."
- Author Unknown
(26) Advice for the day: If you have a lot a tension and you get
a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two
aspirin and "Keep away from children"
- Author Unknown
(27) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet
at the bar.
All Reality Pass
Coeds Need Cash
Blind Date Bangers
Big Tit Patrol
Big Leaque Facials
16 Site Reality Megapass
All Reality Pass
Busstop Whores
Horny Spanish Flies
I Spy Cameltoe
Chew Asian Beaver
16 Site Reality Megapass
All Reality Pass
Bang My Wife
See Her Squirt!
Teeny Bopper Club
Black Adventures
16 Site Reality Megapass
 |
 |
 |
 |
