Personal Ads' Real Meanings


Women

40-ish - 48.

Adventurer - Has had more partners than you ever will.

Athletic - Flat-chested.

Average looking - Ugly.

Beautiful - Pathological liar.

Contagious Smile - Bring your penicillin.

Educated - College dropout.

Emotionally Secure - Medicated.

Free spirit - Substance user.

Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as slut.

Fun - Annoying.

Gentle - Comatose.

Good Listener - Borderline Autistic.

New-Age - All body hair, all the time.

Old-fashioned - Lights out, missionary position only.

Open-minded - Desperate.

Outgoing - Loud.

Passionate - Loud.

Poet - Depressive Schizophrenic.

Professional - Real Witch.

Redhead - Shops the Clairol section.

Reubenesque - Grossly Fat.

Romantic - Looks better by candle light.

Voluptuous - Very Fat.

Wants Soulmate - One step away from stalking.

Widow - Nagged first husband to death.

Young at heart - Toothless crone.

Men

40-ish - 52 and looking for 25-yr-old.

Athletic - Sits on the couch and watches sports.

Average looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back.

Educated - Will always treat you like an idiot.

Free Spirit - Sleeps with your sister.

Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nudity.

Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack.

Good looking - Arrogant.

Honest - Pathological Liar.

Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear.

Like to cuddle - Insecure, overly dependent.

Mature - Until you get to know him.

Open-minded - Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested.

JOKES INDEX

 

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Bang My Wife
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